Oh My God

 Week Two: Oh My God

Oh my God, you take the biscuit

Treating me this way

Expecting me to treat you well

No matter what you say…

Take the space between us

And fill it up some way

—The Police, Oh My God, from Synchronicity

During a recent conversation with our next-door neighbors in the space after dinner and before filling our time playing a board game, I revealed my dislike for the inescapable, seemingly international, cultural trend that all but requires everyone to inquire regarding my well being. I’m serious. It is conspicuous how often people ask me how I am doing. 

It’s not my imagination (although I am hypersensitive to it) that throughout every day, many, many people ask me how I am. Over time I have come to realize that the vast majority of these inquiries are not sincere. Pretty much no one really wants to know how I am; they are just doing what almost everyone else does—they start every exchange with a pleasantry; a starter of sorts; a courteous show of concern. The problem for me is that after telling dozens of people every day that I am well and thanking them (my standard response given without an ounce of guilt for lying), this simple, yet wildly intrusive question, “How are you?” is neither pleasant or courteous; at least not to me.

I am convinced it is an innocuous device to fill the space between us; and it does…sort of. When asked as a show of concern, it opens the door for honest sharing; when asked without regard for the answer, it offends. Correction: it offends…me, which, of course, brings us back to the dinner conversation.

My revelation landed like a lead zeppelin. The immediate silence was followed by a rather apologetic promise never to ask me again; but here’s the thing: when my neighbor asks me how I am doing while we are watering the patio plants, I know she cares about the answer. When the jogger who passes me on the greenway says,  “Hello” and breathlessly adds, “How you doing?” I know even if he is just trying to be nice, he doesn’t care what the answer is. He is just filling the space between us. For the few seconds that our lives mingle, simple recognition and greeting are not enough. It has become imperative to ask for more—to fill it up.

Note: Until last week my neighbor’s go-to greeting always included the question, “How’s it going?” Since last week, she seems to have lost interest in the answer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf0jbsCn4Nk